I used to be in so much pain, I lived in my bathroom.
Clinging to the toilet, as the pain was so intense. It made me throw up, and I laid on the cool tile floor for comfort.
What the hell is wrong with me, I thought.
I hate to say how long I lived like this, working to find something to get me out of pain.
I acquired more certificates than I care to note in the pursuit of solving my problem. I was living in fear of the pain. It was holding me back from living the life I wanted.
And then after quite a few certifications later, through all my study, I finally realized I had some control over the pain. And with this slight bit of knowledge…I went to India.
I landed in New Delhi after a 14 hour flight. The heat wrapped around me like a warm moist blanket as I exited the AC cooled cocoon of the airport. It was 90° F at 9 o’clock at night and 65% humidity.
I was suppose to stay 4 days in New Delhi. I departed at 6:00 am. I was starting to feel the pain begin to rise.
The temperature that day was to exceed 100° F. It was monsoon season. I paid a taxi driver a small fortune to get the hell out. I could feel the shadow of what would be an intense pain flare up threatening to start as we drove North.
That was my biggest fear, alone without any help the pain would take over. The pain came and went during that trip. I learned to watch it, make friends with it, and listen to what it was trying to tell me.
It wasn’t magic that took the pain away. I just started questioning everything I was thinking.
As I questioned things. I began to notice how the stories I had told myself caused a lot of stress. The stories were made up. And as I unravelled the narrative, it opened up a different world.
I slipped through Nepalese Army blockades like the fog that surrounded us. I met helpers and friends at every turn. I walked into a room and sat down next to exactly the right person who just happened to be heading to the same place.
My cash supply went poof in the middle of the trip, thanks to a very helpful, soon to be exhusband. And then I just sat down in a cafe and was offered a job since I am native English speaker that came with a small shared apartment and a stipend. Things worked out better than I could of ever imagined.
I came back to the U.S. after seven months feeling like I could do anything.
I still had pain flare ups, but they became less and less until now, if I have a pain flare which might happen every three to six months it is because I missed something my body was trying to communicate.
So now, I help people reduce stress and physical pain by getting them out of their heads and into their bodies.